


A Yule Carol

by Patterfly



Category: A Christmas Carol - Charles Dickens, Merlin (TV)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Arthur is a king, BAMF Merlin (Merlin), Canon Era, Dark!Arthur, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, First Kiss, Gwen is not a queen, Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Magic, Magic Revealed, Non-Graphic Violence, POV Arthur, POV Arthur Pendragon (Merlin), Time Travel, after season 4, mention of attempted rape/non-con
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-29
Updated: 2018-12-29
Packaged: 2019-09-29 22:49:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 17,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17212319
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Patterfly/pseuds/Patterfly
Summary: After witnessing Merlin using magic, Arthur throws him in the dungeon, ordering his execution on a day after Yule. But in the following nights he is visited by three Ghosts who show him Merlin’s true nature and what are the consequences of his execution.In another words it’s magic reveal story in style of “A Christmas Carol” by Charles Dickens.





	1. Reveal

**Author's Note:**

> Hi :)
> 
> Welcome to my first fanfic written in English. It may not be very great and it can have some mistakes but I’m proud of it, nevertheless ;) 
> 
> It’s based on “A Christmas Carol” but it’s not Christmas fic. I only borrowed the idea of three Ghosts visiting person in a night and showing them things.
> 
> I also made a mistake. Writing this story I assumed that Yule lasts only one day, 21st December. I only checked this when I almost finished and I couldn’t change it even if I wanted to. So, for the sake of this story let’s all pretend that Yule lasts only one day, okay? :P
> 
> Enjoy the story! <3

Period of Yule is Arthur’s favourite time of year. He loves festive atmosphere and merry feasts. Every year his father invited to the castle dozens of townspeople to together celebrate this time of Winter Solitude. Arthur continues tradition. It’s still two days to Yule and he can’t wait.

“I hate Yule” complains Merlin. He carries dozen or so wood logs. He barely manages to hold them all together without dropping any.

“And why is that?” he asks, raising eyebrows.

“Because you always make me do twice as much work as normal servant! Not only I have to serve you like usual but also I have to run around and help others with preparations.”

“Don’t be ridiculous Merlin. You love Yule.”

“Yeah! There is nothing more fun than running after you like a slave or standing behind you pouring you wine when everyone else have a great time.”

“You are melodramatic.” 

“You could say that. Only thing you have to do is deliver speech, which one _I wrote to you_ and sit during feast drinking wine and eating delicious festive meals.”

“I’ll have you know that it’s more work than you make it sound. During feasts I have to take care of important political alliances, learn how people fare in lower town and if they need any help. I don’t expect you to understand how important and necessary this job is for welfare of a whole kingdom. Your physical work is easier in comparison, believe me.”

“And how could you know that? You did nothing by yourself your whole life!” Merlin whines, now carrying heavy logs upstairs. Arthur doesn’t dignify him with answer. He is the King, after all.

When they are at the top of stairs, Arthur stops him.

“And where are you going?”

“Where? What do you mean? To your chambers of course!”

Arthur shakes his head.

“No, you are supposed to carry those to the guest chambers in sought wing.”

“You’re joking.” Merlin deadpans. “You can’t be serious! This is on another side of the castle. I was tailing you with those for quarter of an hour already!”

Arthur fights back a smirk. There is nothing more fun than annoying Merlin when he is his regular insolent self.

“So you better stop wasting time and go there.”

Merlin gapes at him. He looks sweet like that.

“You are just royal bully I’ll let you know! King of Camelot my ass!”

Arthur wordlessly raises his eyebrows. Merlin moans, turns around and starts descent on the stairs.

When he is at the very bottom Arthur shouts “And ready me bath when you end!”

Merlin turns around.

“Prat!”

To the end of his life Arthur doesn’t know how exactly that happens. He could of course ask Merlin but because of circumstances he never does. Only thing that he knows is that one moment he is smiling at Merlin’s angry face and the next he is pushed from behind and finds himself falling. Time slows down. He could in details describe his surroundings. He sees dust flying slowly in afternoon sun. And two servant girls talking, carrying laundry. He also sees like Merlin’s angry expression transforms into terrified one.

He feels himself falling. Air blows in his face and dissolves his clothes. He looks down. He never really noticed before how long and steep those stairs are. Until now, that’s it. He knows that even if he’ll live past the fall injures will be severe.

It’s only because of this strange sensation of slowed time he sees what happens next. He looks at Merlin. He drops the logs. They are still in the air when he lifts his arm in Arthur’s direction and his eyes glow golden.

He feels himself slowing. Rapid and dangerous fall becomes slow and secure. He lands at the bottom of the stairs without inserting single bruise.

For a moment or two he just lies here. He doesn’t understand what just happened. Then situation catches with his brain and he lifts his head to look at his manservant. Merlin is deadly pale. He looks terrified as if he was the one who just almost died from a fall.

But Arthur didn’t die. He is perfectly fine. Something slowed his descent. Something connected with glowing eyes of his friend.

Arthur feels as if suddenly something shifted the world and nothing is like it seemed only minute before. As if someone just wrenched a rug from beneath his feet.

He sits up. He can’t take his eyes off Merlin’s. He still can almost see afterglow of magic in them. Merlin opens and closes his mouth as if he wants to say something but he makes no sound.

He still remembers feeling of betrayal when people he thought he could trust turned up to being traitors. He remembers this aching disbelief when he saw Morgana put on crowd. His disappointment and anger when he saw Agravaine following her.

But those feelings are nothing compared to what he feels now.

He stands up. Even if normally Arthur is slightly shorter, now he’s towering above Merlin’s withdrawn form.

He looks at him in deadly silence. No one dares even breathe.

“You just used magic” Arthur states. His words brakes this horrible stillness but what follows isn’t any better.

“Arthur...” Merlin starts, finally managing to make a sound.

“You have magic.”

“Arthur, please...”

He’s shaking badly and his brow is bathed in sweat. Arthur never seemed him so much terrified.

Arthur moves. Merlin takes a tentative step back. He wonders for a second if he’s going to run. But he’s does not. Arthur grabs his arm, hard. Merlin winces.

“You know what sentence is for using magic in Camelot.” He does not know from where he takes strength to sound so collected. He remembers his father’s words about importance of never showing weakness and does exactly that.

Merlin chokes a sob. Tears openly flow on his pained face.

“No, Arthur, please... Just listen-“

“I DON’T WANT TO LISTEN TO ANOTHER WORD FROM YOUR LYING MOUTH!” he yells right in his face. Split lands on his cheek mixing with tears.

Merlin shrinks even deeper. He covers his mouth with free hand trying to muffle a sob. He takes his eyes away from Arthur’s as if not bearing to look any longer.

Arthur looks around and spots the guard.

“You! Take him to the dungeons.”

Guard starts a little. He looks as if he wants to be anywhere but here. He reluctantly approaches and takes Merlin from Arthur’s grip. Before he takes him away, Arthur stops him with a gesture.

He tries to look Merlin in the eyes but servant does not look up. Deciding that eye contact isn’t necessary to this, he announces his sentence.

“You are to meet your death in the morning of day after Yule.”

Merlin shudders even harder than before. He does not raise his eyes but he looks absolutely broken. He doesn’t try to speak again.

After that, guard takes him away. When his steps and Merlin’s sobs fades away, Arthur finds himself staying in the middle of corridor with abandoned logs lying scattered on the floor. Around him stand a dozen of people who had to come here during their exchange. They look pale and worried. Few whisper silently. Everyone in the castle will hear about what just happened during next several hours. Good. Last think he wants is making public announcement.

He feels hollow. Overwhelming anger evaporates leaving only numbness. Everything is muffled as if he is under water. He stops in front of door to his chambers. He didn’t even know he was walking here. He steps inside and closes the door with a thud.

He just stands here looking blankly in a space for he does not know how long. When he finally wakes from this daze, it’s dark already. Without lit candles or fireplace it’s almost pitch dark.

He makes his way to his bed and falls on it. He does not remember falling asleep.


	2. Foolishness

Arthur awakes with a start. He feels fully rested. But something doesn’t feel right. He sits on his bed and looks around. His chamber is lit by hundreds tiny golden lights. They dance in the air as if to some happy melody.

Arthur jumps from the bed fully alert. He grabs Excalibur which laid by his side and looks for danger. For a moment nothing happens and then familiar voice makes him turn around.

“This will be no use to you here, King Arthur” says Gaius

Arthur gapes. Gaius seems different, almost ethereal. His robes look rich and they moves as if by wind. His skin glows faintly and his eyes glimmers gold. This all screams sorcery. Arthur feels another stab of betrayal and disappointment. It’s weaker than with Merlin but still stings. He knew Gaius his whole life. Does everyone who he trusts turns against him?

“Gaius. What do you want?”

“I am not person you know as Gaius, King”

“What does it mean?!” he returns angrily “Your name also is fake?! Do you want to kill me?!”

“Calm down, young king” Gaius holds hand in placatory gesture. “I mean no harm. I am Ghost of Yule Past”

This makes Arthur calm down a little. He feels relief. If this strange person isn’t Gaius, than its means that the physician is still loyal to him.

 _As long as you not kill his apprentice_ , small voice in his head says. Hi ignores it.

“Why are you here?”

“I am here to ensure that you will not make decision you will regret. To make you see truth when you see lies. To make you trust yourself and your heart.”

Arthur ponders those words for a moment.

“Is it about Merlin? You don’t want me to execute him.”

Gaius, or rather Ghost of Yule Past nods.

“Yes, it’s when this all should lead to.”

Arthur bristles.

“What makes you think I will believe a word you say?! This is magic! It didn’t do me any good in my whole life!” he yells.

“And this is one thing we want you see that you are wrong about. Magic did to you a lot of good. You just didn’t see that.”

Arthur ignores second part of his statement. He doesn’t see point in arguing about magic with magical creature.

“’We?’”

“Yes. I am just first of Ghosts. In following nights you meet my two siblings. They take form of people you associate with compaction and fear. I look like this Gaius to you because you associate him with wisdom”

“I don’t want to hear a word of what you and your siblings want to say. I highly recommend you to leave me now or I cut you through.” He tightens his grip on pummel to empathize his point.

Ghost raises his eyebrow. Its looks so familiar to the real one that Arthur loses a beat.

“You can’t kill me with this blade no matter how powerful it is. I am not a creature from this world.” He waves his hand and Excalibur just disappears. “And I fear you don’t have any choice in regard of what we want to show you. Your only choice is what you’ll do with what you’ll see.”

Before he has any chance to replied, those little lights seem to multiply gustily. In a matter of few seconds there are so much of those that they completely fill his vision. His chamber disappears and only thing existing is this golden light.  

Then as abruptly as they multiplied, they vanish and Arthur discoverers that he is no longer in his chamber. He is outdoors and during day. Snow engulfs his bare feet but he feels no cold. He looks around. Not only he isn’t in the castle, he isn’t even in Camelot. He stands in the middle of some village. Arthur frowns. It looks vaguely familiar.

“Do you recognize this place?” Gaius asks. He points at small hut in front of where they standing.

Arthur only needs a moment to place this in his memory. He was here years back.

“This is Merlin’s hut. It’s Ealdor.”

“Correct” Gaius confirms.

Arthur crosses his arms. He sighs. He doesn’t want to be here. Thought about meeting Hunith and telling her about her son terrifies him. She was so nice woman.

“Why did you bring me here?”

“You will see. Come inside.”

“I can’t show here only in my night robes. I’m the King of Camelot!

Ghost raises his eyebrow. Damn, he is good.

“Worry not, young king. No one can see or hear you.”

Gaius walks in the direction of the hut. Arthur notices that he doesn’t leave footprints in a snow. And then he just passes trough closed doors.

“That disturbing…” he murmurs. He feels pull in that direction. He is determined to ignore this but within minutes restraining it becomes harder and harder. In the end he gives up and goes to the hut. What harm can come from it after all?

Inside is dimly lit. Curtains are closed and any fissure is stuffed by some rags, to keep warmth inside. Or what stayed from this warmth. Only source of light except slits in wooden walls is fading fire of embers in a fireplace. In front of it sits curled in thin blanked person. Arthur makes a couple of steps to see their face. He half expects that they react somehow at his presence but this person behaves as if they don’t see him. Then they move their head and Arthur can see their face. Hunith.

She looks distraught and anxious. She shakes from cold and glances at door a couple of times as if waiting for someone.

They stay like this for a couple of minutes and Arthur wants to ask Ghost what the point, when abruptly door opens and familiar figure comes through it. Arthur breath catches. How…?

Then Merlin closes the door and Arthur notices that in one arm he holds a couple of logs of wood. He’s smiling. He looks visibly younger, maybe fifteen or sixteen summers. He is younger than when Arthur first met him. He is blushed from cold. His ears and nose are red. Arthur refuses to find it endearing. Appearances can be deceitful.

“Mother!”

Hunith stands hastily. She looks at her son with relief which suddenly transforms in anger.

“Merlin! What have you done?”

“I have wood! You won’t be cold anymore!” And before she can say another word, he hastens to fireplace. He places logs inside. Then he sets them on fire only with a glow of his eyes. Arthur flinches. His anger and betrayal lights anew. All those years…

“Merlin!” Hunith sounds angry and a little terrified. She looks in the direction of the door, as if expecting someone to come through it.

“Relax, mum. There no one in here than us.”

And isn’t it ironic?

“You can’t just use magic like this. What if someone see you?

“No one had seen me.” He retorted. Its sounds like old argument between them.

They fall silent for a moment. Hunith gradually stops shivering. She sits beside her son.

“How you managed to collect wood?”

Merlin doesn’t answer. He looks in the opposite direction.

Hunith sighs. Despite being younger than when he last seen her she looks wearier.

“Are you absolutely sure no one saw you?”

“Positive. Will helped me. He kept guard.”

Hunith falls silent. She looks at her son with such sadness its tights Arthur heart. As if she was sure that one day she’ll lost him. Guilt creeps to him. He quells it.

“You shouldn’t. If you will be so careless with your magic one day someone see. And then…”

Merlin looks at her intently.

“I couldn’t just let you freeze here.” he says “And Will too. We took a whole tree. It should suffice for a couple of weeks.”

“Honey…”

“I know you worried. But I promise you I’m careful.”

Hunith nods sadly. She looks at the fire.

“I know I can’t protect you forever.” she says “In other times it would be a wonderful gift but with King Uther and Cenred…”

Merlin hangs his head.

“I know you would like for me to be normal. I would like it too. But I’m not and I can’t just not use it. It’s part of me. Even if it’s makes me a freak.” He says last sentence in whisper.

“Oh, my child.” Hunith hugs him. “Don’t call yourself that. You are special. One day you will find purpose for it, I’m sure. Just… I’m your mother and I will always worry about you.”

After that everything once again engulfs in golden light and Arthur discovers himself standing in his chambers.

“What was that?” He asks vehemently “One of your illusion? To your knowledge you didn’t fool me.”

“It wasn’t an illusion.” He says. “It was Yule of couple of years past. Before Merlin’s journey to Camelot. Before he met you and discovered his destiny.”

“What destiny?”

“It’s not for me to say”

“Bullocks!” he shouts. “You came to me uninvited, take me to some sort of journey to the past and now even don’t answer my question?! What bullshit! And you want me to trust magic?

“It’s not me you should ask questions. Ask yourself. Confront your beliefs with what you just learned.”

“Yeah, riddles. It’s what I need right now.”

“I am just a guide. I can’t give you knowledge you should posses himself. If I tell you everything, you wouldn’t believe me. You’d accuse me of lying, of trying to manipulate you. I can only show you the truth and hope that you will do with it what you should.”

“How am I to know that what you showing me is the truth?”

“You just know. I can’t fabricate reality. I know you feel it.”

Arthur doesn’t answer. He doesn’t want to admit it but he really can feel that what he just witnessed really happened. Emotions were too real to fake them.

“Allow me to ask you then.” Gaius says “What you learned from this?”

“That Merlin lied to me from the start. He had magic before I even met him”

“And it makes it worst or better?

“Worst, of course!”

“Why?”

“’Why?’ Isn’t it obvious?”

“Why it should be?” He answers calmly. Arthur groans. He has enough of Ghost and his stupid questions. He tells him exactly that.

“I fear you cannot rid of me yet. There is still one thing I have to show you.”

“And then you leave me alone?”

“You will not see me ever again.”

“Fine!” Arthur exclaims. He knows he does not have any choice in this regard, but he likes to think that he has at least some control in this situation.

This time when golden light evaporates they still in the castle. They standing at the peripheries of the Great Hall. There are a lot of people here and it looks as some sort of feast. He looks around and finds himself sitting by the table. Seeing himself in this perspective is really strange experience and makes him feel uneasy.

“When was that?” He asks half expecting another riddle.

“Two winters ago.”

Or not. Its good feeling to be given straight answer for once.

Trying to remember what happened two years ago, he walks to his past self. He sits in the middle of the table beside some middle aged man in rich robes. Of course. This is Lord Philbert. He came to Camelot for Yule. He was to stay a couple of days after but he abruptly left next day instead. He remembered thinking this strange but he didn’t bother by it long.

“Why are we here? Nothing interesting happened that day.”

“Just watch.”

So Arthur sighs and watches. There no point in arguing with him anyway. He sees Merlin staying behind his past self with a pitcher of wine as he always does on feasts. Arthur grips his fists. Laying traitor. What was his plan? Did he want to manipulate Arthur into doing what he wanted? Or maybe wanted to kill him when occasion was good? Never mind. He failed.

Not bearing to look at his former friend any longer, he observes his past self instead. He is in the middle of animated discussion with Lord Philbert about methods of heritage in old families. He listens interested. His past self makes a couple of good points but there are lacks that Arthur has urge to fill. After two years his knowledge on subject is noticeable bigger.

Lord Hemmet who sits on his other side asks question and past Arthur turns to answer. Then Lord Philbert hastily pulls out something what looks like small vial from his pocket. He then discretely pours what was inside to Arthur’s goblet.

“What?” It’s impossible. Why Lord Philbert would do something like that? He barely knows the man. And he definitely could remember being poisoned that day. No one noticed what he did. No one except…

Merlin. Who looks directly at this goblet and then hastily looks away when Lord Philbert checks if he noticed. He has to think he has not, because he smiles smugly. Why Merlin didn’t say anything? And then attention of past Arthur returns to Lord Philbert who continues discussion as if he just didn’t pour poison in goblet of his king. Smug bastard. Past Arthur lifts the goblet and he wants to shouts to warn him, but then Merlin practically falls at him, spilling whole contest of goblet with his right hand.

“Merlin!” his other self shouts. “What do you think you doing?!”

“I’m sorry, sire.” Merlin says hastily standing “I think I napped a little.”

“You think?! This is really news for me because I don’t think you ever do!”

“What is this fool of a boy, Your Highness?” asks Lord Philbert. He looks really angry. His plan failed after all. “I didn’t see anyone as incompetent as him to be a servant to nobility!”

“This is my manservant, Merlin. Yes, he is a fool. I’ll punish him following morning. For now you are dismissed.” He says to Merlin.

“But-“

“Now, Merlin!”

Merlin hesitates. He looks warily at Lord Philbert, but seeing that he doesn’t have any choice, he leaves the Great Hall.

“After him.” says Gaius. Arthur, feeling already familiar pull, goes after servant.  He stops in the corridor outside the Great Hall and bits his lip, thinking. After a moment, with a quick pace he goes right. In the opposite direction of physician’s chambers.

“Where is he going?” Arthur asks. Gaius says nothing. Typical.

They follow him a couple of minutes. In the end Merlin stops in front of some door. He tries to open it, but it doesn’t budge. He looks around and seeing nobody around, he holds his hand to handle and mutters some strange words. They hear click and Merlin opens the door. Arthur frowns. He used magic to break into someone’s chamber.

With only a little hesitation, Merlin starts looking around, searching in drawers, wardrobes and under the bed. When he doesn’t find anything, he looks more and more frustrated and his search turns more frantic.

“What are you doing, boy?” Merlin starts and turns around. Lord Philbert stands in a doorway with crossed arms and disapproving frown.

“I… I came to clean your chambers, sir”

“Oh, did you?” He looks suspiciously at him for a moment, and then his eyes widen with realization. “You are this fool of manservant of King Arthur!”

Merlin shuffles a little with unease “I…”

“But I’m sure he dismissed you.” He says triumphal, taking a couple of steps in direction of manservant “Instead you are here scouting in my chambers. Are you a thief as you are a fool?”

“I did not steal anything.”

“Maybe not. But who’ll believe you?”

“Arthur will. Do you thing he’ll also believe that you tried to poison him?”

“Wha…” Lord Philbert paled abruptly only to become red faced a moment later “You don’t have any proof!”

“Just as you. Who do you think he’ll believe? He trusts me. And he barely knows you”

Arthur felt a pang of anger. How dares he waving trust Arthur had for him like that? As if he deserves it. He feels like a fool. This little liar deceived him for years.

Lord Philbert grits his teeth.

“It doesn’t matter. You’ll be no able to stop me. I’ll kill him one way or another.” He unsheathes a dagger from his belt. “If to fulfill this I have to kill you first, so be it.”

“What a dishonorable action!” Arthur exclaims “He wants to attack unarmed opponent!”

“Merlin isn’t really defenseless.” Gaius notices.

“But he doesn’t know that!”

It’s all is over in the matter of seconds. When Lord Philbert rushes to attack, Merlin with quick flip of wrist yanks weapon from his grip and then pulls him to a wall. Man tries to pull out from invisible grip but to no avail.

“You have magic!”

Merlin steps closer. He looks collected and not as helpless as he looked only moment before. But despite his cool demeanor his, now blue again, eyes are full of anger.

“You will not harm Arthur.” He says confidently with visible threat.

“Why do you protecting him? He’s Pendragon! His father burned my niece!” With last sentence his voice brakes and his eyes flicker with unshed tears. “She did nothing wrong. Her only crime was healing broken leg of her dog.”

Despite his actions, Arthur feels sorry for him. It’s not strange that after losing someone like that he is bitter and vengeful. He can’t condone his actions but he at least understands him a little better.

“I’m sorry about your niece.” Merlin says looking down before staring straight in his eyes again. “But Arthur is not his father.”

“Every Pendragon is the same! They are disease of this land!

Merlin shakes his head “You are wrong. Arthur is kind and just. He listens to his people and helps whenever he can’t. He isn’t the type of man who would kill girl for helping her pet.”

“But what about you? Do you really believe that he would not kill you after he learn what you are?

Merlin looks down once again. Tension is visible in his back. After a couple of breaths he finally answers, still not meeting his eyes.

“I believe… that his choice would be suitable to my actions.”

Arthur frowns. What a strange choice of words. What Merlin means by that?

Lord Philbert apparently doesn’t see anything amiss.

“Then you are a fool”

Merlin finally meets his gaze.

“You may think me a fool but you will not harm Arthur. He has my protection. If you know what is good for you, you will leave Camelot tomorrow morning and will never return.”

“And what if I don’t?”

Merlin eyes glows gold and invisible grip on Lord Philbert tighten. He pales and struggles, trying once again to free himself. Again without success.

“Then I’ll kill you.”

Arthur blood runs cold. Before all of that he couldn’t even imagine Merlin to be so cold, threatening and, gods forbid, dangerous. Yet right know Merlin is everything above and it’s most disturbing thing Arthur ever saw. Did he know this man at all? Is his clumsy and cheerful demeanor was only a lie? To fool Arthur and everyone around?

Lord Philbert looks in Merlin’s unwavering gaze, looking for any sign of bluff. When he doesn’t find any, he sighs heavily and sags.

“Fine”

“Fine what?” Merlin asks.

“I will leave Camelot tomorrow.” he says resigned. 

Merlin searches his face for any trace of lie and finding none, he releases him.

“I will watch you” Merlin says and then leaves the chamber.

Golden lights once again change their surroundings. Arthur sits heavily on his bed. He feels weary. There are a lot of feelings he does not want to acknowledge and hundreds of thoughts curling in his head giving him a headache. There is nothing he wants more than just go to sleep and forget everything. 

He looks up hoping that his companion disappeared already. Without luck.

“You said you leave me alone”

“I shall” confirmed Ghost “I hope that you use wisely knowledge you possessed tonight.  Tomorrow and night after you will meet my siblings. It was pleasure to meet you, Arthur Pendragon.” then he disappears.

“I can’t say the same” he murmurs. He closes his eyes and sleeps.

 

***

 

Arthur awakes still sleepy. He wants to fall asleep again, but clutter of dishes makes him look up. Some young serving girl just putted his breakfast on the table. Noticing that he is awake, she starts a little and then hastily curtsy.

“Good morning, Your Highness. I um… brought you breakfast.”

Arthur looks at her blankly. Her clumsy behavior reminds him of Merlin. She even looks a little like him. Skinny, pale, with dark hair. It’s painful to look at her and remember. Remember what Merlin did. What he was. He wants her gone.

‘You are dismissed.”

“Yes, my lord” she says and leaves the chamber.

Merlin never said “my lord” with such a reverence. Arthur groans and rubs his eyes. Even if everything he wants right now is to go back to sleep, he is now fully awake. Thoughts and feelings attack him once again and Arthur wants just to not think.

What a strange dream he had last night. Because it couldn’t be anything but a dream. Things like Ghosts of Yule Past that look like court physicians simply don’t exist. It’s ridiculous. He has stronger imagination that he thought. It must be caused by overflow of stress from new revelation of his manservant.

Determined to forget of this dream as fast as possible, he leaves breakfast untouched and calls some nameless servant to help him dress and put on armor and then goes to training field. There is still too early for training so, as he is alone, he attacks training dummy.

When the first knights finally arrive, he’s starting to feel tired. Despite that, he attacks them with more vehemence that usual. One after another falls with new bruises and sprained joins. No one equals his determination. Until someone does.

Gwaine was worth opponent from the moment he first met him. After knight’s training his already comprehensive skills were only better. On normal day he was hard to defeat but today he has new, violent spirit. With each one strike and defense his eyes brighten by anger and loyalty. And Arthur isn’t some sort of fool to believe that this loyalty is his to keep.

Arthur from the start knew that Gwaine never would become a knight if it wasn’t for Merlin. It didn’t bother him before. But now things are different. If after what Merlin did he still has loyalty of Gwaine what does it means for him? Does he have to except stab in the back from one of his own knight? Does he have to face another betrayal? What he should do?

But he doesn’t have time to think about any of this. Each strike becomes harder to deflect and Arthur finds himself backing down. His attempts to divert course of fight are fruitiness. He is forced to unstoppable defense without any chance to attack. He is confused. No matter how hard fight with Gwaine was before, he never was backed in corner like that. He always won in the end. But this time it feels different. Does Gwaine have something he didn’t have before? Or maybe it’s he who lacks something.

Before he decides which one is the case, he is sprawled on the ground with blade of Gwaine’s sword on his throat. Nobody moves. There is absolute silence except of their rigid breaths. Their gazes are locked. For a moment Arthur thing that Gwaine will really slice his throat. He’s sure that he at least completeness it. After another moment of this unbearable tension, Gwaine sheathes his sword, turns around and leaves without backward glance.

No one moves for another moment. They observe Gwaine until he disappears behind castle’s walls. After this Leon comes to him hastily and crouches by his side.

“Are you alright, sire?”

“I’m fine.” he answers trying to stand up. He manages without a lot of trouble, but when he rolls his shoulders to relief tension, he flinches with sudden pain.

“What with your shoulder, sire?”

“It’s fine, just… bruised.”

Leon doesn’t look convinced.

“You should go to Gaius”

“No, it’s unnecessary. It’s fine.” he shrugs to emphasize but that was a mistake because another wave of pain makes him flinch.

Leon raises his eyebrows with disbelief.

“It’s looks serious. You really should go to Gaius.”

“Fine!”  Arthur exclaims. He really doesn’t want to face physician right now but despite his assurances, this shoulder really bloody hurts. He can’t be like this. What if someone attacks Camelot?

First he gets to his chambers to remove armor. Again, he orders some random servant to help him with it. After that he does not have any more excuses to avoid unavoidable.

So, with heavy heart, he goes in direction of physician chambers. Walk to destination is quicker than Arthur would want it to be. He’s standing in front of physician chamber in no time. With a heavy sign, he knocks. Hearing permission to do it, he enters.

Gaius is in the middle of making some sort of ointment. He looks tired and sad. Arthur feels pang of guilt.  He tries to quash it immediately. Physician looks up and his weary eyes widen with surprise.

“My lord” he greats “What can I do for you?”

“I… um...” gods, he didn’t feel so frustrated in years. “My shoulder hurts. After training”

Gaius doesn’t reply immediately. Tension in the chamber could be cut with knife. Arthur fights urge to shuffle on his feet. He feels like a child who is to be punished for bad behavior. This is ridiculous.  He is the King of Camelot. His decision is right. He was betrayed. Why should he feel guilty about punishing traitor?

With this thought in mind, he straightens and meets Gaius’s gaze with a fierce one. Gaius then averts his eves and returns to making ointment.

“I see” he replies “Sit down. I’ll check it out”

Arthur does as told. After another minute of tense silence, Gaius leaves mortar and comes to sit beside him.

“You have to remove your tunic, sire”

“Right.”

With help of physician he manages to take it off. Following minutes are full of wordless poking, prodding and delicate moves of shoulder. All this time Arthur wants to say something but he can’t think of any words. He cannot say that everything will be alright because it would be a lie. He also doesn’t want to hear what Gaius thinks of everything. He doesn’t want to hear any excuses for Merlin. He does not want to contemplate existence of another traitor in castle. What is with Merlin that everyone he meets wants to protect him even if he lies and deceives? It’s like Arthur is in the wrong here. Ridiculous.

Finally Gaius stops.

“It’s nothing serious, my lord” he says. ”It’s simple contusion. You shouldn’t use your shoulder much for a few days. Use this salve twice a day until its stops hurt.

“Thank you, Gaius” He takes offered jar and goes to door, wanting to be out of here as fast as possible. He is in doorway when Gaius’s voice stops him.

“Sire, about Merlin…”

Without turning around Arthur says “I don’t want to talk about it, Gaius. Don’t make me contemplate of another traitor in the castle”

“It’s just…” Gaius replies after brief pause “Merlin is like a son to me. Seeing him like this is breaking my heart. I know better than anyone that he respects and loves you deeply. He couldn’t do anything to harm you.”

“Gaius…” he warns. He grits his fist. He wants to shout and accuse. He wants to demand explanation. Instead he just stands here motionless.

“Just talk to him, sire. You will regret it if you follow through your older.”

_I am here to ensure that you will not make decision you will regret._

“Gaius… did you hear about something called Ghost of Yule Past?

Even without turning back, Arthur can imagine surprised expression on physician face after hearing this unexpected question.

“No… I don’t believe I did. Do you want me to look for it, sire?”

Of course he didn’t hear about it. It was just a dream. Arthur feels stupid just for asking.

“No, forget it Gaius. It’s nothing important.”

Without waiting for reply, he leaves physician chambers and goes to his own.

Rest day passes in a blur. He does everything he can to avoid thinking about Merlin and his incoming execution and about people who are loyal to him instead of their king. Or about strange dreams and any (surely nonexistent) doubts.

So he busies himself with writing reports, reading about taxes and signing important documents. In meantime he orders people around in preparations to Yule’s feast.

In the evening, he quickly changes in night robes and lies in bed. He closes his eyes, hoping that this night he will not have any strange dreams.


	3. Mercilessness

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings at the end of chapter.

Arthur wakes seeing familiar dancing golden lights. He growls. Not again! He sits up and looks around expecting to see another uninvited visitor in form of some old man. It’s why he is surprised when he sees familiar young woman.

“Guinevere?”

She smiles the same warm way like the real one.

“Welcome, Arthur. Nice to meet you. I am Ghost of Yule Present.”

After closer look, Arthur notices some differences from his friend. Her gown just like her predecessor moves gently as if by wind. She also has this otherworldly aura which makes her look like something else than human.

“Why do you look like Guinevere?”

“Because you associate her with compassion”

“Compassion? Yeah, Gaius, I mean, Ghost of Yule Past said something about compassion and fear. So tomorrow I meet someone I associated with fear? Who it could be? I don’t fear anyone!”

“Fear is very tricky feeling. Sometimes it’s obvious with beating fast heart and sweaty palms. But other times it is better hidden and you could easily convince yourself that it does not exist but it not makes it disappear.”

“Does every Ghost have to tell me riddles? Can’t you just give me a straight answer?”

Gwen smiles apologetically.

Arthur rubs his face frustrated.

“Are you also going to take me years in past or something?”

“Not quite. I am Ghost of Yule Present so I can show you only a couple of days around Yule in this year. It’s mean that I can take you few days in the past and the future”

“You’ll show me the future?”

“Yes. The future that will be if you not change its outcome.”

Arthur sighs.

“Can’t you just leave me alone? I don’t want to see any of this.”

“No, I can’t. You have to see this for your sake and all of Albion.”

“All of Albion? I don’t think execution of one sorcerer can do so much harm.”

“You would be surprised.”

Arthur looks at her curiously.

“What do you mean?”

She shakes her head “I can’t say you. You have to see it for yourself.”

“Figured.” Arthur says standing “Come on. Have it over with.”

“Good. First I’ll show you yesterday morning.”

They appear outside dungeon’s cell. Inside curled in corner sits Merlin. He shivers from cold and hugs himself, trying to save some warmth. Arthur feels pang of guild. This time of year in dungeon has to be really cold. He could at least order for him some blankets.

Beside it, Merlin looks pathetic. He is like wholly different person from when he confronted Lord Philbert. Dark circles under his eyes indicate that he didn’t have any sleep. But the worst are his eyes themselves. Normally full of life and cheer now are hollow and lifeless. He looks as if he lost all hope.

Despite everything, Arthur wants just come and hug him, telling that everything will be alright. He wants to forget everything and just live as if nothing happened. But he can’t. What happened can’t be changed. So he averts his gaze and waits.

After a moment he hears approaching steps. He looks up and sees Gaius. Yesterday morning. It had to be before Arthur came to him with hurting shoulder. He’s carrying some cloth bundle.

Gaius stops before the cell and just looks at Merlin with pained expression. Merlin does not seem to notice his presence.

“Merlin, my boy.”

Only now Merlin slowly looks up.

“Gaius. What are you doing here?” His voice is weak and rasped. It’s so unlike him that it’s almost physically painful.

“I’d bring you blanket. Here, my boy” he says holding it through the bars. Merlin comes from corner, his moves rigid and slow, takes the blanket and covers himself with it sitting there once again.

“Thank you, Gaius” he says, looking once again at the ground.

No one says anything for a moment.

“It’s not the end, Merlin.”

He smiles bitterly.

“It is, Gaius. You didn’t see his face. He…” his voice brakes. He shuts his eyes hard as if to stop tears from falling. “He hates me. He wants me dead.”

Arthur stares. This is not how he imagined Merlin in the dungeons. He thought he could be angry at failure of his plans or terrified of upcoming death. He didn’t expect him to be so broken and sad. He didn’t expect Merlin to crying because of him.

“He’s just angry and confused. He’ll come around.”

Merlin shakes his head even before Gaius ends talking.

“You’re wrong Gaius. But even if it was the case, when he comes around it will be too late. There are only two days left.”

Gaius grabs bars, desperation evident in his eyes.

“I’ll talk to him. I’ll tell him what you did to him, how many times you saved his life using magic. He has to listen to me.”

“NO!” Merlin stands hastily abandoning his blanket. He quickly approaches old man. “You can’t tell him that you knew about my magic. It’s treason. I couldn’t bear if you were to share my fate. Promise me Gaius you don’t tell him.”

“But, my boy…”

“I beg you, Gaius” Merlin now openly cries. He looks at Gaius pleadingly. The old man sags.

“Okay, Merlin. I promise”

Merlin looks relieved. He covers himself in blanket. “Thank you, Gaius”

 “But there has to be another way. Your destiny-“

“I failed our destiny.” Merlin cuts him off. “I should tell him myself. He shouldn’t have to find out like that. But I was too much a coward to tell him. I failed him.”

“You are not a coward, Merlin”

“But I am. I wasn’t even afraid of dying. I was scared that he…” he gulps and uses blanket to dry his eyes “Never mind. It doesn’t matter anymore.”

Arthur is confused. He didn’t expect this at all. How many times Merlin used magic to save him? Would he hear out Gaius if he did try to tell him? Would he believe him if he wasn’t showed all of this? Probably not. He would possibly believe that those all are lies made up by loving parent to save his child. Or maybe he would accuse Gaius of collaboration with sorcerer and sentence him too?

And Merlin does not seem so much different from the one he thought he knew. Old Merlin also could be so stupidly selfless and brave in face of death. And isn’t it the most terrifying realization?

“I can’t just leave here like this…”

“I think it would be for the better if you’ll do exactly that, Gaius.”

“Merlin-“

“Please, Gaius. Just leave. Don’t worry about me” he tries to smile convincingly. It cames out like a grimace.

“It will be alright, Merlin.” Gaius says seemingly trying to convince himself as well as Merlin.

“Yeah.” Merlin doesn’t sound as if he believes that.

Then after another moment of Gaius looking sadly at his apprentice, he finally leaves.

They’re again in Arthur’s champers.

“What do you think of that? asks Gwen.

“I don’t know… He didn’t… I thought…” He shakes his head “Is it over?”

“Not at all” she says “Now I’ll show you tomorrow midday”

“Future, yes?”

“Yes. Possible one still but it’s so close that changing something magnificent is almost impossible.”

“Fine. Just get it over with.”

They appear once again in front of Merlin’s cell. He’s still sitting in the same corner but this time he is so much covered in blanket that his face is barely visible. He still shivers but visibly less than yesterday. On the floor beside bars lays platter with food. It wasn’t even touched. Arthur frowns.

This time accessing steps are quicker and heavier. Arthur turns around to see Gwaine. Of course. He should know.

Just as yesterday, Merlin doesn’t react at all at his visitor. Gwaine though looks at Merlin with barely suppressed anger. He grips thigh his fists. Before making his presence obvious he hides emotion with wide grin.

“Hello, mate.”

Merlin starts. He looks at knight surprised.

“Gwaine?”

“How are you, buddy? It doesn’t looks like nicest place to stay, especially on Yule. Princess definitely could make it to you a little better. You know I kicked his arse on training yesterday? Regret that you didn’t see his face. He looked absolutely shocked.”

“What are you doing here, Gwaine?”

“To plan your rescue, of course.”

Of course.

“Gwaine…”

“No, hear me out. That magic thing was shock for me too but even if I am a little hurt that you didn’t trust me enough to tell me about it, I can’t just let him execute you. It’s not right. You were with him through thick and thin and now he just throws you away.”

“I can’t escape, Gwaine”

“’Course you can. I can help you. Today at Yule’s feast everyone will be distracted. It’s perfect. I can somehow steal the key or you could, you know” he did a strange gesture with his right hand “magic it open.”

“You don’t understand, Gwaine. I am grateful for your offer, but I won’t escape.”

Gwaine looks at him with bewilderment.

“Why not?”

“Just can’t. It would be like I am guilty of betraying him. If I escape I’ll be for him like any other sorcerer. I can’t make this happen.”

“This doesn’t have any sense! You are for him like any other sorcerer already!” This makes Merlin flinch. “You don’t deserve it!”

“Maybe I do!” Merlin shouts with tears in the eyes “Maybe I deserve it. I lied to him from the start. I had hidden from him important truths. I even lied to him about my thoughts about magic! Maybe I had good intentions but now it does not matter, because I hurt him.  Maybe I deserve whatever punishment he has for me.”

_I believe… that his choice would be suitable to my actions._

“This is bullshit, Merlin!” Gwaine shouts. “Nothing you did deserve death. Don’t you dare saying otherwise. Besides, I can bet that you saved princess’s ungrateful ass using magic more times than you can count. Am I wrong?”

Merlin smiles at this a little. It’s his first genuine smile since Arthur saw in those visions. Or even maybe even since he saw him doing magic.

“You’re not wrong.”

“See!”

“But this does not change anything.” Merlin says seriously looking at the floor. “I’m not going to escape.” he looks at him.  “This is final, Gwaine.”

“I don’t understand. Why? Do you want to die?”

Merlin shakes his head.

“Escaping I would really betray Arthur. And I would rather die than betray him, Gwaine.”

Gwaine looks lost at words. He looks down, visibly trying to think of some arguments.

In meantime, Arthur is overwhelmed. He expected to see evil sorcerer but instead he sees his most loyal friend, who could rather die from his hand than to escape with life but forever lose his trust.  At this point, when Gwaine suggested flight, Arthur half hoped they would make it. When Merlin decline he was partially disappointment, but mostly he was moved by his clear loyalty and selflessness.

He doesn’t feel so angry anymore. He mostly feels tired and guilty. How he deserved such loyalty?

“He doesn’t deserve you” says Gwaine with quieter and tired voice.

Merlin doesn’t answer. He just looks sadly at the floor.

“It can’t be like that. I can’t just stay and look as he kills you.”

“Maybe he won’t. Maybe he’ll change his mind.”

“You don’t really believe it, do you?”

Again Merlin is silent.

“There has to be something I can do. Please, Merlin! You are my best friend. I can’t lose you.”

“I’m sorry”

Gwaine hangs his head.

“Leave it alone, Gwaine”

“I’ll think of something. I will not let you die.”

“Don’t do anything, Gwaine. I don’t want you to do something foolish. You are a knight.”

“I don’t care about that!”

Merlin stands and approaches him.

“But I do! You are one of the best Arthur’s knights. He needs you.”

“Do you really think I’ll still want to be a knight of someone who killed my friend?”

“You’ll have to. You are a knight of Camelot. You can’t just leave!”

“You bet I can’t!”

“No, Gwaine, please, listen to me!”

“What!”

“I need you to stay. I beg you, Gwaine.”

“Why?”

“I said. Because Arthur needs you. When I will be gone, he will need every possible help. There are still a lot of dangers ahead. You’ll have to protect him. Please, Gwaine. For my sake.”

Gwaine squeezes bars tightly.

“You are cruel man, Merlin. You want me to protect murderer of my closes friend. How you can still protect him?”

“Because he is important, Gwaine. More important than me or you. Please, Gwaine. Promise me, you will protect him with your life.”

Gwaine sighs.

“Fine. I promise.”

Merlin smiles gratefully

“Thank you, Gwaine. You’re a good friend.”

“That I am.” He sounds resigned.

“Talk to Gaius. He’ll tell you everything you have to know. Now you have to leave. You were here too long already.”

“This is not a goodbye. I will find some way to save you.”

“Don’t do anything foolish. Remember of your promise.”

Gwaine grimaces.

“Yeah, right. Whatever. See you later, mate.”

Knight turns around and leaves. Merlin looks at him until he disappears.

“Good bye, Gwaine” he whispers. He sits in the corner once again.

The golden light transfers them to his chambers.

Arthur sits heavily on a chair. He leans his elbows on his knees. He has a lot to think about.

Gwen doesn’t say anything but Arthur feels her unwavering stare.

“I suppose I should thank you. I really needed to see this.”

“You don’t have to. It’s our purpose to show you important things. It depends merely on you what you do with gained knowledge.”

“And I intend to use it wisely. Thank you anyway. It was nice to meet you.”

He stands up and approaches the bed. He expects her to disappear like Gaius yesterday, but when he looks up, she’s still there. She looks at him with grave expression.

“What? You did your job. You can go now.”

“I am afraid I can’t. There is still something you have to see.”

“What? But I’ve seen enough already.”

She shakes her head.

“You did not. You still didn’t see day after Yule.”

Arthur pales. It could mean only one thing.

“No… you can’ be serious.”

She does not answer, just looks at him pityingly.

“I refuse! I can’t see this!”

“I’m sorry but this is necessary. You have to know consequences of your actions.”

“Please, I beg you! Not after what I heard today. How could I see how I kill him?”

“Choice what I show you is not mine. You can’t persecute me.”

“This is bullshit!”

“Better get ready. We’re going.”

Before he managed to say another word, world was covered by light. Next thing he knows, he’s standing on the balcony with the view at courtyard. And a chopping block in the middle. His blood runs cold. He looks around. Gwen is standing behind him with her hands clapped together and looking at him sadly. On his left is his other him with stony expression on his face. His eyes are locked on courtyard.

With heavy heart he also looks there. There are already a lot of people gathered around chopping block. He sees Gaius standing beside real Gwen. Their faces are ashen and they look intently to the opposite side of courtyard from balcony. Door Merlin will get through. He also spots Gwaine. He’s standing in Camelot’s cape within crowd. His jaw is set and he looks at balcony. Even if Arthur knows that he can’t see him, it’s hard to contain shiver.

Then drums start playing. Arthur looks immediately straight ahead. Merlin is led flanked by two guards. His hands are cuffed and he looks at his feet. Arthur stomach knots. He can’t be here.

He turns around and looks ant Ghost of Yule Present pleadingly.

“Please, take me from here.” he begs.

“I can’t” she shakes her head “I’m sorry.”

“Shit!” he curses. He is tempted to not turning around and stay like this until it’s all over. But he can’t do this. He can’t just tell himself that what is happening here does not matter, because Arthur changed his mind. It could be him who stays now with stony eyes ready to execute his only real friend for sorcery. Hell, until tonight he still planned to do this!

So, trying to ready himself for following sight, he turns around.

Merlin is almost at his destination. When he finally reaches chopping block, drums stops playing. Silence is deafening. One of the guards pushes him to his knees.

Voice of his other self almost makes him jump.

“You have been found guilty of treason and of using magic. According to laws of Camelot you will be executed by beheading. Do you have any last words?”

Arthur has urge to hit him. How he can be so calm and collected doing something like that?

 _He’s still you_ , small voice in his head says. He ignores it.

Merlin finally lifts his head. Arthur feels as if someone punched him in the stomach and deprived him of air. Merlin is smiling sadly and it feels exactly as if he looks straight into his eyes.

“I forgive you.”

Arthur doesn’t notice intake of breath his other self. He’s not hearing loud whispers of people in crowd. He’s centrally isn’t aware of Gaius and Gwen’s silent cries. Not caring about his possible injures or even if he can harm himself in those strange circumstances, he jumps through railing to courtyard. He lands with ease and starts to run to the chopping block.

It’s like one of these kinds of nightmares when you can’t run fast enough. Whole world is moving faster than it normally could and he just knows that he will be late. But no matter what he can’t stop running.

With dread he sees Merlin laying his head on the wooden block. Raised axe shines with morning sun. He is half aware that he shouts something. Then blade of weapon hits with dull thud. He is sure that this sound will be haunted his nightmares for the rest of his life. He is only a couple of feet away. He stops.

Merlin’s head curls to his foot.

He’s still smiling.

 

 

 

 

His world explodes. He isn’t aware of anything except Merlin’s glassy smiling eyes. His beautiful blue eyes which normally shows mirth and wisdom but thanks to him through last few days were filled with tears and sadness. Those eyes that will never see again.

He doesn’t notice when golden lights transfer him back to his chambers. He does not react when Gwen tries to talk to him. He’s shaking and his puffed eyes are wide and unseeing. His cheeks are red from ushered tears. He’s hyperventilating. It takes at least half an hour for him to start again react at the outside world.

“-rthur, can you hear me?”

He looks her in the eyes. He seems lost and terrified.

“Can you hear me?”

He nods.

She sighs in relief.

“How are you feeling?”

“Merlin’s dead.” he says silently.

“No. He’s not.”

“What?”

“He is still alive.”

“But I seem…”

“It was just a possible future, remember? You still can change it.”

Possible future? Something clicks and Arthur finally remembers his situation. Relief is almost overwhelming. It still isn’t too late.

But he is suddenly so tired… Even with clear mind, view of his friend’s severed head is burn on his eyelids. He will never forget it no matter how much he’d wish to.

“I knew that it would be traumatizing for you but I had to show you this. You needed to see.”

He does not answer. Maybe if he ignores her, she’ll finally disappear.

“I’ll leave you alone now. Tomorrow you’ll meet last one of us. Then it all will be over. Take care, Arthur Pendragon.”

When he looks up, she’s gone.

He does not feel like going to sleep but he just blinks and his conscious shifts to blessed oblivion of dreamless sleep.

 

***

 

He wakes before dawn. He lies awake in bed reviewing his horrible dream. But was it really a dream? Sight of Merlin’s lifeless face is too real to be creation of his imagination. He feels sick. He doesn’t want to think about it. He _can’t_ think about it. And yet, every time he closes his eyes this image is as vivid as ever.

He does not know how long he lies like this trying to regain some semblance of sanity. Only sound of opening door takes him back to reality. He looks up. It’s daylight already. Person who enters his chamber is the same girl who woke him up yesterday. She carries platter with breakfast.

“Good morning, my lord” she says. She lays it on the table.

“What’s day it is?” He asks. He has to make sure. It can’t be too late, surely? He couldn’t take it if this happened for real.

She looks at him strangely.

“It’s… um… Yule day, sire.”

Relief engulfs him. It didn’t happen! It had to be a dream. It had to…

“Sire…? Are you alright?” She asks when he does not say anything.

“Yeah… It’s Yule, right?”

“Yes…”

“If it is Yule day does it mean that tonight will be Yule’s feast?”

“Sire…”

“And this requires preparations, am I right? I will be very busy today.”

“Maybe I’ll fetch Gaius, my lord?”

“It’s brilliant!” He says jumping from the bed. It’s no better way to try forged this surely just a dream than to busy himself with something to do.

“So, I’ll go then…” She says, but before she manages to reach the door, he halts her ordering her to help him dress up.

After that he makes truth of his words and makes himself double invested in preparation to the feast. He tries meals, says how to hang decorations, orders different position of tables in Great Hall and generally disturbs servants and makes him even more difficult to live with than usual.

Everywhere he goes follows him strange looks, muffled whispers and pitying faces. But even if he notices those, he ignores them completely.

Making himself useful (as he things so) makes earlier night more bearable. He almost completely manages to convince himself that it was just a dream. But despite his denials, deep down he knows that he have to do something about this. He remembers words of Gwen that it’s possible future if he does not do something about this. But he ignores it. He can’t handle all of this right now.

Gwen and Gwaine try to catch him and probably talk to him a few times during day, but he manages to flee them or brush them aside. He can’t look at her face, not after what Ghost looking like her showed him last night. And Gwaine probably want to do something to prevent-

Either way, he can’t deal with it yet.

When time for the feast finally comes he is exhausted. But he can’t let himself rest, let himself think. So he delivers speech Merlin written for him day before… incident, talks to surrounding people and drinks wine. A lot of wine.

He discovers that drinking wine is even better way to deal with things so he drinks even more. In the end he is so drunk that he’s slurring instead of talking and wobbling dangerously on his sit. Someone has to finally decide that king had enough because he was suddenly hauled to his feet by someone’s strong arms. Must be some guard, he thinks.

But like for guard he is strangely talkative.

“Seriously, without Merlin pouring you wine you can’t even hold your drink. How can you ever contemplate to keep going without him? I bet you can’t even dress by yourself. I heard him complain about it enough time to really believe it. You are hopeless. I wanted to talk to you today and make you realize that your idea to execute him is the stupidest did you come of yet. And it does speak of something, because you had a lot of stupid ideas. Remember this one time when you thought that it is a great idea to follow this stag through a swamp? I swear, I still finding mud in strangest places. Or another time when you…

“I’ll not” he slurs cutting Gwaine’s flow of words.

“What?”

“I’ll not exe… exyh.. ugh… exe… cut… him”

Gwaine looks at him searchingly.

“Are you serious? Because if it’s just drunk talking, I swear to gods…”

“’s not” he ensures.

“If you change your mind again in the morning, I’m gonna kill you, I swear.

“C’n’t” he says

“Why the hell can’t I?”

“You... promis’d”

Gwaine stops abruptly what makes Arthur almost lost his footing. Gwaine looks furious.

“How the fuck do you know that?!”

“Ghost... showed me.”

“Ghost?” he looks at him with bewilderment “Gods, you are even drunker than I thought.” He opens door to Arthur’s chamber and leads him inside.”No matter what I promised Merlin, I’m not going to undress you. Do it yourself or sleep in your dirty clothes. I don’t care.”

True to his words he takes him to bed and leaves him there.

“I hope tomorrow you will have a huge hangover. You deserve one after what you did.”

After this he leaves.

Arthur without strength to do anything else lies on his bed and almost immediately passes out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It contains non-graphic scene of beheading.


	4. Courage

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And the last chapter :)
> 
> Warnings at the end of chapter.

He opens his eyes to see familiar dancing lights. He really hates them.

“Why am I sober?” He asks in a space. When he does not get answer immediately, he sits up to see his today companion.

He stares. He thought that he never could see this face again. And with new revelation about his manservant it’s double disturbing.

“Why are you looking like my father?” He asks, rising from the bed.

Uther raises his eyebrows. His demeanour is so familiar to real one that it’s hard to believe that he is someone else.

“Isn’t it obvious? Really, Arthur, I thought that famous Once and Future King will be a bit brighter.

“A what?”

“I look like your father because he is someone who you associate with fear.”

“I wasn’t afraid of him.”

“You had to be on some level. Maybe you feared disappointing him. Or that if he wanted to he could destroy everything you find dear.”

Arthur frowned. He doesn’t want to ponder on it more than he has to. His father is dead. Question if he was afraid of him or not is now irrelevant. But seeing his father again as someone who isn’t him is something Arthur would gladly avoid.

“Why are you exactly taking form of people who I know? Can’t you just show as yourself?

“Our real forms do not belong in the mortal world.”

Arthur sighs. No matter how they look, they all are evading giving straight answer as if it was on fire.

“So, who you are?”

“I am Ghost of Yule Yet to Come.”

Arthur ponders it for a moment. He doesn’t like it. His last visit in the future wasn’t really enjoyable.

“But it’s unnecessary anymore! I am not going to execute Merlin. Surely there is nothing in the future you could show me to make prospect o his...” he winces “...demise... any more unwanted.”

Uther just raises his eyebrows disbelievingly.

“As long as I am concerned, nothing changed.”

“What? Of course something changed!”

“How is so? He is still in the dungeon awaiting his execution. You didn’t lift your sentence. Even chopping block was placed. You did nothing to prevent his death.”

Arthur pales.

“I was... busy. But-“

“You were wallowing in self pity. You were cowardly avoiding problems instead of facing them ahead. It’s because of this attitude you didn’t even want to hear any explanations before you passed your judgement. It’s why you would rather see your friend dead than face the fact that you are wrong and to blame.”

“I...”

“Now, let me show you where this attitude could take you.”

Without any warning world it’s glowing and he appears... in his chambers again? He looks quizzically at Uther. Did something didn’t work? But he looks confident as if nothing’s amiss.

So Arthur looks more closely at his surroundings.  Then he notices that a few things are different. For once, through closed curtains filters daylight. His chambers are neatly cleaned. Cleaner than they were ever under Merlin’s service. He feels chill running across his back at the realization what it has to mean. But the most signified difference is sleeping form of someone in his bed. After closer inspection he discoverers that it is his other self.

He doesn’t look a lot older. It can’t be later than two or three years. There is a new wrinkle between his brows and a couple of days stumble but it’s all the changes.

After a moment, he hears sound of opening doors and turns around to see who entered. He half expected it to be a serving girl who brought him breakfast last two days but it isn’t her. He doesn’t recognize this person. He is a little shorter than him young man. He has a stocky physique and neatly cut ginger hair. Freckles almost entirely covers his face.

He places platter of food on the table almost without making sound and equally quietly opens curtains letting sun-rays alit the chamber. He stands, straightening his spine and claps hands behind his back. Posture of a perfect servant. Then, lowering his gaze to the floor he says “Good morning, Your Highness.”

Through minute or two nothing happens. But finally Arthur sees as his other self stirs a little, and then opens his eyes slightly. It takes another few minutes for him to awake properly and sit up.

Without any acknowledging of another presence in the chamber, he raises from the bed and goes to sit on the chair before the table. He eats his meal without any haste. Only sound of utensils hitting the plate disturbs silence of this place.

Through all this time servant doesn’t move even an inch, never lifting his gaze. Arthur finds it a little strange. Normally servants in his presence when aren’t needed make themselves useful. For example they could make a bed or clean some lingering dust. He would even feel a little uncomfortable eating when someone just stands beside, waiting. Merlin did make him used to something entirely different. He would never manage to stay completely still through any longer period of time. He could start stepping from foot to foot, wobble a little to left and right. Or he could just start complaining. And especially he couldn’t just wait patiently as he’s ending his meal. He could hassle around, probably drop something.

But beside this strange detail this visit to the future is surprisingly boring and uneventful. He kills the time searching for any others differences from his own chambers. But it bores him quickly so he watches himself eating instead.

It’s why he notices when back of his other self suddenly goes rigid. He lowers fork back on the platter.

“It’s a goat cheese.” He says with cold tone, without turning to look at the man.

Servant visually tenses.

“Yes, my lord.” he says with slightly shaken voice.

“You know I hate goat cheese.”

“There was none of cow cheese in the kitchen, sire.” he says hastily.

“So you should find some!” other Arthur yells, taking plate and thrusting it on the floor. With a loud clatter all of remaining contest scatters on the floor. Servant flinches. He looks terrified.

“I am sorry, sire. It will never happen again, I swear.”

Other Arthur does not move or say anything for a moment.

“I will forgive you, because this is your first mistake. But you do not want to make your second one”

“Yes, my lord. Thank you.”

Other Arthur stands.

“Now, help me dress up, Jonas.”

“It’s Nicolas, my lord.”

On this, his other self hits table with his fist so hard that still lying there cutlery bounces and falls on the floor. Servant jumps scared.

“I DON’T CARE ABOUT YOUR DAMN NAME!”

Nicolas whimpers.

“Of course not, my lord, I’m sorry.”

“Now clothes, hurry up! I’m already late because of you.”

Nicolas quickly abandoned his position and rushed to wardrobe. After fishing clothes from it, he comes to him and starts to take off his night robes. His hands shake slightly. He never meets king’s eyes.

Arthur stares with bewilderment. Is it really him? There was time when he was rude to servants and sometimes in a bad temper he even shouts at them but he never could behave like that. This boy is straight on terrified. What happened to this other self?

But he does know that. He just doesn’t want to think about this.

Nicolas ends his task without any further incidents. After that, other Arthur leaves chamber without paying any attention to him. Boy sighs in relief and starts cleaning mess on the floor.

Feeling familiar annoying pull, Arthur follows his other self. He walks quickly, his gait confident. Arthur can’t help but notice like everyone who he passes by lower their eyes respectively and stop chattering.

At one point he sees Gwen. He hopes as friend that she is, she will behave differently and other Arthur acknowledge her somehow, maybe greets her. But when they come close to her, she lowers her gaze in the same way like the others. His other self doesn’t even glances at her.

It makes him feel sad and scared. What kind of person he has to turn into, to lose so loyal and dear friend like Guinevere?

They reach the door of Council Chamber. When other Arthur walks inside everyone gathered turns towards him. Arthur recognises his knights. He sees Leon, Percival, Elyan, Gwaine and his other loyal knights. They wear grim expression. King sits in one of the chair. Arthur frowns. He sees it for the first time. It’s bigger than others and decorated in rich silk and grooved ornaments.

Arthur does not like it. Idea of Round Table is that no one is more important than other. His other self sitting in it violates the very basis of his moral code.

When he settles on his more comfortable chair, everyone is silent as if waiting for him to say something.

“Did something happen?”

“Yes, sire.” Leon says. He looks sad.

Other Arthur waits for him to add something and when he does not, he drums fingers on the table inpatient.

“So?”

“It’s Gaius, sire” Elyan speaks.

“What about him?”

“He... died last night.”

Arthur takes a sharp breath. No Gaius... Even if he knew that it wasn’t real, sadness still found its way to his heart.

But the other Arthur just nods. There is not a trace of grief on his face.

“I see. Do you have on mind someone who could take his place?”

Shocked silence fills the chamber. Everyone looks at him as if they don’t recognize man who sits there. Maybe they don’t. Arthur feels icy feeling gripping his insides. He feels sick.

“What?” Gwaine says with incredulity in with voice.”

“I said” His other self sounds exasperated “If you thought of someone who could take after him position of the court physician.”

“His body isn’t even cold yet and only thing you think about is finding his replacement? What’s wrong with you?”

“Watch yourself, Sir Gwaine. You’re talking to your King.” He warns.

Gwaine looks as if he wanted to tell him where he can stick his title, but Elyan stops him by gripping his shoulder. He shakes his head. Gwaine grits his teeth but remains silent.

After a moment of tense silence, Leon clears his throat.

“We haven’t thought yet about... replacement, sire.”

“Figured.” He looks at them with condescended gaze. “See to it then. Camelot needs court physician.”

“Yes, sire.”

“Now we can move to next thing to discuss.”

“Sire, if I can?” Sir Degore starts.

“Yes?”

“You didn’t make any preparation to Yule’s feast, sire. We are also not going to celebrate it this year?”

Expression of his other self turns stony.

“We are not going to celebrate Yule ever again.”

Everyone looks at him shocked. Another moment passes before someone speaks again.

“But, sire” Sir Lionell says “Tradition of celebrating Yule is centuries old.”

“Under another rule there were never period longer than two years in the row without any celebration of this day.” adds Sir Pelleas.

“Surely you are not serious, sire?” asks Sir Lucan.

“People will get angry. Celebrations of Winter Solstice are told to be presage of prosperity.” Sir Alymere says.

“SILENCE!” other Arthur shouts hitting table with his palm.

When everyone falls silent, he lays both his hands on the table and looks each of them in the eyes until they drop their gaze.

“As long as I am the King there will be no more celebration of Yule. This is my final word.”

There is quiet chorus of “Yes, sire.” around the table.

Arthur had a good feeling about this different chair. His other self completely disregarded initial idea of Round Table. He is not open to discussion. He didn’t even try to bring any his arguments to points brought by knights. Instead he ignored them and closed topic.

Arthur felt really uneasy with this realisation. How could he ever become this man?

“What else is to discuss?”

Then topics changes to more mundane things like stores of food, weather in different areas of kingdom or winter clothes for townspeople.

Arthur tunes it off. He leans on a wall, feeling drained. He knows that death of Merlin could break him. He still vividly remembers in what condition he was yesterday after witnessing execution. And his Merlin still is alive.

Now it’s hard to him to imagine wanting him death in the first place. He of course remembers feeling angry and betrayed but in the wake of his new knowledge he couldn’t ever follow with his initial order. How could he behave without it? If any Ghost didn’t show in his chambers at night?

He would like to think that he could reconsider, maybe talk to Merlin to hear his side of story or even change his sentence to banishing instead of killing.

But he knows that it’s not true.

He would follow with execution and become this cold-heart man who people fear instead of respect. He would kill Merlin.

Guilt and shame washes over him. His sweet, brave, selfless Merlin, killed with his own hand. Because he was too much of a coward to listen to him. He doesn’t deserve his devotion and loyalty. Magic or not, Merlin is better man than he is.

He is ripped off from his thoughts by guard entering the chamber.

“Sire.”

“What it is?”

“Sorceress was caught using magic in Darkling Woods.”

“Where is she now?”

“In the Throne Room, sire.”

“I see.” He says standing up. He looked down at his knights. “It will be end for today. You are dismissed.”

After that he rushes to the door. Gwaine follows him. A couple of minutes later they enter the Throne Room.

On her knees, flanked by a knight, sits woman. She’s trembling slightly and her face is pale and scared. She’s clutching tightly her torn gown on her laps. She’s very young. Can’t be older than eighteen summers. Arthur looks at her pityingly.

But other Arthur barely glances at her with unreadable expression and goes to sit on the throne. His gaze falls on the knight who stands beside her.

“Tell me what happened.”

“We were on a patrol in the Darkling Woods when we heard cries of woman. When we came to investigate we saw this girl” he points at her “fighting with some man. Before we could help her, the man was thrown from her in a tree by invisible force with such a force that he broke his neck. When she saw us, she tried to fight with us but we caught her and brought her here.”

King nods. His cold gaze falls on a girl who’s now silently crying.

“Is it true?”

“Sire, I...” she chokes, trying to speak through sobs “I was scared, sire... This man” she sobs. “tried to... to force himself on me.” she sniffles. “I was so scared... I didn’t- I didn’t know what to do...”

Arthur winces. He hates when women are violated like that. He always punishes rapists severely and tries to help women as much as he can.

“Is it true that you killed this man with magic?” his other self asks with detached voice.

 “I- I didn’t want to kill him! “she cries. “I just wanted him to leave me alone. B- but he couldn’t let go and... and I- I just pushed him...”

“By using magic?”

“Yes...” she says quietly.

“Do you know the sentence for using magic in Camelot?”

She looks at him beseechingly.

“I- I beg you, my lord...! I- I didn’t mean any harm...”

“You killed a man.”

“He attacked me!”

“Nevertheless, you used magic. You will burn at stake tomorrow at dawn.”

Arthur feels as if someone stole all the air. His legs feel wobbly, and his chest is unusually tight. During all years of him ruling the kingdom he never used burning at stake as a punishment for something. He always thought it to be unnecessary cruel. And now his future self is going to burn this innocent girl who just defended herself. Wrongness of this situation is almost too much to bear.

The girl pales even more.

“No, please! I don’t want to die! I beg you, my lord! I’ll do anything!

But another Arthur isn’t even looking at her anymore. He gestures at guards standing beside a wall.

“Take her to the dungeons.”

They take her, each holding one arm and lead her from the Throne Room. All this time the girl trashes, trying to free herself, begging and sobbing.

After the door closes and her cries fade, the room falls in tense silence. After a moment, his other self stands up and moves to leave the room. Gwaine runs to catch with him. When they’re on a corridor, he speaks.

“You can’t do this. It isn’t right.”

“She used magic, Sir Gwaine. There is only one sentence for it in Camelot’s law.”

Gwaine snorts.

“As if you as a king can’t bend or change those laws.”

“I can’t, Sir Gwaine. As a King of Camelot I have to be example for the rest of civilians.”

“Yeah, and you’re doing so great work with it!”

Another Arthur stops.

“I beg your pardon?”

“As if you don’t know!” Gwaine exclaims emphasising by raising his hands “Through last two years you became cruel and selfish ruler.”

“I am just stricter for good of the Kingdom.”

“You completely abandoned your moral code! You believed everyone is equal and now you are the most important! You don’t listen to anyone during making decisions.”

“I am the most important!” he says firmly “I am the King. I have to be decisive.”

“You are not merely decisive. You are arrogant and self-centred. Earlier you were respected for your compassion and wisdom. Now people just are scared of you!

“Earlier I was weak!” He shouts finally losing his composure. “I was making poor decisions and trusting wrong people. I will never be so blind ever again.”

Gwaine stare at him for a moment without word.

“So, it’s all comes back to Merlin of course.”

“Don’t say his name!”

“But it’s true! You think that he betrayed you but you’re wrong! He was never against you!”

“Gwaine, I warn you-“

“You know why I am still here, securing your sorry ass? Because before he died, he’d make me swear to protect you!”

“Gwaine-“

“You were hurt that he didn’t tell you about his magic, I get it! But you know why he did not? Because you could fucking kill him. And guess what? You did!”

On this other Arthur grips Gwaine’s collar and forcibly pushes him against a wall. Impact mades his head bounce painfully from it. He unsheathes his sword and points its blade at knight’s throat.

He closes space between them to only couple of inches. His eyes flares dangerously and his features hardens.  

“Say another word and you join this witch tomorrow at stake” He says calmly. “Do you understand?”

They stare in each other eyes for what feels like eternity. But finally Gwaine drops his gaze.

“Yes, sire.”

King holds him like that for another moment before releasing him.

“Good” he says. And then he leaves without glancing back. Gwaine slips to the floor looking sad and defeated.

“Oh, Merlin...” he says sadly. “You didn’t tell me how to protect him from himself.”

Golden lights transform them to his chamber for, Arthur hopes, last time.

Arthur leans against the table not managing to find strength for standing upright. His heart hammers madly against his ribs and his hands shake slightly. He feels restless and at the same time so tired that he only wants to lie down and curl up in himself. Witnessing _himself_ , because no matter how badly he wants to deny it, it _was_ _him_ , behaving in such a way was almost the worst experience of his life.

It’s hard to believe that he is capable of such cruelty. That he can be so cold and heartless. How can someone like him rule a kingdom, lead people? Does he really deserve to be their leader? How after what he saw he can trust himself? What if one day he becomes like this other self?

“That was interesting experience, wasn’t it?” he hears painfully familiar voice.

He spins around confused and scared.

“What?”

In place where should be Uther now stands someone who looks like Arthur. For a moment he wonders if somehow his other self managed to come with them to this world. Or maybe Ghost transformed him somewhere different and he didn’t notice?

Before he can think of doing anything, the other Arthur speaks again.

“That’s fascinating, right?” He says looking at his hands curiously. “I’d never hear about anything like this happening before.”

“Happening... what?” Arthur asks dumbfounded.

“Changing shape during vision of course!” he says and then smirks. “Now it looks like person you are most afraid of is yourself.”

Realisation of that is just a little surprising. He sits on a chair.

“Oh.”

Yes. He is afraid. Afraid of being someone he does not want to be. Of disappointing people he cares about. Gaius. Gwaine. Gwen. And of course Merlin.

But he did, right? He already disappointed them all. He thrown Merlin to the dungeons and ordered his execution. Even if he does not intend to do this anymore, he did not make any attempts to indicate his change of mind. Merlin still thinks he’s going to die.

He’s already is disappointment for them.

“You’re wallowing in self pity again?” asks Ghost.

Arthur scowls at him.

“You know, you still have a choice.”

“What choice?”

Other Arthur lifted his brow.

“You don’t have to be afraid of your dark side. You could embrace it.”

Arthur frowns. He doesn’t like when this conversation is going.

“What are you talking about? Aren’t you supposed to convince me to not kill Merlin?”

He shrugs.

“One think I had to do was to show you this Yule two years later. It’s not my work to say you what to think.”

“So what about your earlier speech about me being cowardly and wallowing in self pity?

He shrugs again.

“It was the truth. One think I hate is indecisiveness. It’s why I like this other you better. Maybe he made some bad decisions but he was confident about them. He was a strong leader. Just like your father.”

“So you what? Want me to be like him? To disregard others? To burn sorcerers? Aren’t you a magic creature?

“Didn’t you always want to make your father proud? Don’t you think it’s what he could want?”

He stands up sharply.

“Yes, I wanted him to be proud of me. But not against everything I believe for! I didn’t always agree with him and I don’t want to be the same king like him. I’m not my father! I’m my own person and my own king!

His other self smiles wildly. It makes Arthur drop his attitude a little.

“And this is what I wanted to see. So, let’s go, Arthur Pendragon. Be a king this land deserves.”

After those words he just vanishes on spot. Arthur blinks and immediately is asleep.

 

***

 

Arthur bleary opens his eyes and immediately closes them again, wincing. His head hurts horribly, intensiveness of pain jumps with each heartbeat. His mouth is dry like sand. He tries to wet it clattering his tongue but to no avail. He attempts to open his eyes again and squints at sunrays illuminating his face.

He sits up and groans as fast movement just makes his head hurt worse. He looks around making sure to move his head as slow as possible to not increase pain. Curtains are open what explains sunbathed chamber. On the table lays platter of food and beside it goblet of water. He stands and moves closer to it. He wrinkles his nose at smell of food, feeling nauseous, but takes goblet and empty it with one go.

After that he takes a couple of breaths what makes him feel a little better.

And then he realizes he is late.

He already feels panic creeping his way to his heart, when he also realizes that he is the King and they surely can’t start without him. Composing himself, he calls some random passing servant to help him dress up.

After he’s ready, he makes his way to the balcony. For the world he looks calm and confident but in the insides he is a bundle of nerves. What he is going to do exactly? He doesn’t have any plan. He is hangover with splitting headache. He’s going to what? Announce that execution is cancelled and everyone should go home? He’ll be seen like an indecisive fool. And following with execution is out of question.

He really should do this yesterday, he thinks entering balcony. It would be a lot less messy. Merlin wouldn’t spend another night in the dungeons thinking that he is going to die. Instead of remedying that, he was avoiding topic and becoming drunk. He really is a shitty friend.

Sound of drums returns him to reality. He watches as guards lead Merlin towards the centre of courtyard where chopping block awaits. Just like last time his head is bowed. This looks so much like previous time that it almost makes him hyperventilate again. But this time it’s real. He tries to calm down. He can’t let himself freak out. Not here, not now. It’s too important. When everything will be over he can let himself break down. Now he has to focus.

Thinking about this, it’s actually better that this is for real. When he seen this before, he could only watch. He couldn’t do anything to change what happening. Now it’s completely different. He has this event under his complete control. Without his consent, they can’t do anything to Merlin.

Well, now question is what he’s going to do with this fact?

Merlin is almost at the platform.

He has to decide what to do _now_.

If only his head didn’t hurt so much...

Drums stops playing. They push him on his knees before the chopping block and Arthur winces. Oh, Merlin is going to kill him when this is over.

Arthur swallows. Well, now or never.

“I have announcement to make.” he says, voice clear and confident.

Now he just has to figure out what to announce.

He looks around, looking for inspiration. People look at him quizzically. When silence is stretching too much, even Merlin looks at him. He looks so lost and unhappy that Arthur feels fist clenching at his heart.

He suffered so much. He was hiding for so many years who he really is. He couldn’t show anyone what he can do because of fear of death. He thought he was a freak because there was no one in his village to show him that he isn’t in this alone, that there are others like him.

Even in Camelot he couldn’t stop hiding. But instead to blend with in the background, he becomes manservant of Prince of Camelot himself. He becomes his friend and confidant. He risks his life every day and secretly protects him using magic. All this time he makes him a better person by wise advice and by just being there.

How lonely and hurt he had to felt when his friend talked about evils of magic? How isolated and scared?

How many have to feel this way right now?

He remembers Gwaine’s talk about how being a king makes him able to bend or change the laws. Well, let’s see how it goes.

He looks at the guard that stands beside Merlin.

“Help this man stand up and take off his cuffs.”

Guard looks at him surprised but comply. When he takes off those ugly things, Merlin rubs his wrists. He looks at him warily with furrowed brows.

 “This man” He emphasizes by pointing at him with his right hand “is a sorcerer.”

He is pleased that he has a complete attention of gathered people.

“He was going to die today because of this. Because magic is outlawed in Camelot.”

He notices that some of the people starts whispering amongst each other. Others look at him raising eyebrows, as if what he says is obvious. Well, not for long.

“There were many people like him throughout the years. Many of them died here, in the same spot when he stands. Most of them on fire. Some lucky ones on chopping block.”

He sees Merlin’s severed head in his minds and tries to fight a lump in his throat.

“But not everyone perished. Some still are alive, hiding. They see what awaits them if they will not be careful enough. What awaits those who are not lucky and someone see them. It can be a woman who protects herself from rapist. A girl who heals broken bone of her dog. Or it can be a man who rescues his friend from fall from a stairs.”

He looks Merlin in the eyes and sees weary confusion on his face.

“So they stay hidden. They are scared and lonely. Some are also angry and vengeful because people they loved died because of the law. Those angry ones have enough of hiding. They want to make their world better by the only way they know. By eliminating the source of the law. In this case it’s the King of Camelot.”

He looks around trying to indicate if someone figured out yet what he’s going to do. He sees Gwaine gaping. He tries not to smirk.

“I can’t condone what they are doing but I can’t blame them for wanting a change. Everyone deserves to be free if they don’t mean any harm. Those people, those sorcerers and sorceresses deserve the same freedom like everyone else. They don’t deserve to live in fear and be hunted like criminals.”

Some people look confused, some astonished and others whispers furiously with their neighbours.

“This is why I as the King of Camelot repeal the ban of magic.”

Every person falls in stunned silence. At least half of gathered people gapes. He looks at Merlin. His shocked expression is absolutely endearing. If he could, he would save this moment by using magic. What a waste that he does not have another sorcerer at his side.

Chill runs across his back. But if he still has this one sorcerer at his side? He treated him so badly and almost had him executed. Can he forgive him that?

He remembers final words of other Merlin and let himself hope.

He has to talk to Merlin.

He tries to convey this thought in look. He doesn’t know if he understands him, because he still wears this perplexed expression. He hopes that now when he is released he’s not going to just pack and leave without telling anything.

He looks at people again. They quickly came out of their shock and now are talking vigorously amongst themselves.

“Thank you for your attention.” He says not expecting to be hearing in an uproar. He turns around and leaves.

Some people who heard what happened looks at him incredibly but most of them don’t behave any different. News of his announcement will quickly spread across the whole kingdom, he’s sure. He should now go to Council Chamber to deal with situation but he had more important meeting to attend. He heads to his chambers.

When he enters it it’s empty. He doesn’t really expects Merlin to be here so quickly but he still feels a little disappointed. 

He takes a deep breath, trying to compose himself. In the wake of excitement of his announcement he forgot about his headache but it now starts to return again. He rubs his temples, hoping that it’s going to subdue a little before Merlin will come here.

If he’ll come here.

He waits another several minutes when he sees as someone slowly opens the door. He straightens. When it’s open wide enough, he sees Merlin who tentatively holds a handle. He freezes when he sees Arthur.

They just stare in each other eyes for what feels like hours. Now, when Merlin is closer he sees signs of him being in the dungeon for a couple last days. He is even more pale than usual, his cheekbones are sharper because of hollowed cheeks, he has dark circles under his eyes and his lips are cracked. And he looks so unsure right now. As if he expects Arthur to throw him in the dungeons again.

He wants to say something but he cannot think of any words.

He makes a gesture for him to come inside. Merlin starts a little as if Arthur by his movement ripped him out from his thoughts. He is hesitant for a moment, but finally he comes through threshold and let the door get close behind him.

This follows another moment of silence.

“Arthur...” Merlin speaks. Arthur suppresses a wince at his hoarse voice. “What... What was that?” Merlin does a wide gesture with his hands.

Arthur raises his eyebrows and smirks. Familiar territory. He can do with that.

“What do you think, Mer _lin_? Did you not pay attention?”

Familiar jibe has to give Merlin all confidence he needs, because he straightens and lifts his chin.

“Of course I was bloody paying attention!” Merlin shouts. Arthur winces at unexpected noise “I was thinking that you were delivering speech for my execution! And then from nowhere you repeal the ban of magic?”

“Can you... lower your voice a little?” He asks, realizing his mistake too late.

Merlin looks at him dumbfounded. And then realization hits him and he looks at him strangely.

“Wait. Are you hangover?”

Oh, no.

“Did you just repeal the ban of magic being hangover?” He looks at him incredibly as if he just grown another head.

“I’m not _hangover_. I just have a headache.” He tries.

“A Headache. Because you’d drink alcohol.” He deadpans.

“Well, yes, but-“

“I can’t believe you!”

“What do you want me to say?!” he shouts “I should just have you executed because of headache?”

Merlin’s lost at words. He gapes. He looks almost as shocked as when Arthur made his announcement.

“You didn’t plan it? You just wanted to release me? But...” he shakes his head. “I don’t understand.”

Arthur sighs. No one told it would be easy.

“Yes, I didn’t plan it. I just wanted to cancel your execution but I couldn’t just set you free. So I thought that repealing the ban of magic makes it more believable.  And of course I wanted for you to not have to hide anymore.”

“But...” Merlin looks so lost that Arthur makes involuntary step closer, wanting to comfort him. “I thought you hated me...”

“I’m sorry, Merlin.” servant’s eyes widen. “I would never hate you. Not truly. I was just so hurt and angry... I know it’s not an excuse. If it wasn’t for... I almost killed you...” He bites his lip hard. Vision of this frozen smile flashes before his eyes as vivid as ever.

Now Merlin takes step closer and lays his hand on his arm.

“It’s okay...” he says quietly.

Arthur shakes his head. He doesn’t want to be forgiven so easily.

“No, you don’t understand. I would kill you. I _know_ it. And I would become horrible, horrible man. If it weren’t for the Ghosts you would be dead right now.”

Arthur shivers at this possibility.

“The ghosts?” Merlin asks confused.

Arthur sighs.

“It’s kind of... long story.”

“Tell me.” Merlin says.

So they sit on the bed and Arthur tells him. He tells him of unexpected visit from Ghost of Yule Past, of vision of Ealdor and later of time when Merlin saved Arthur’s live. He tells him of Ghost of Yule Present and visits to the dungeons. When he struggles through description of execution, Merlin grabs his hand and his gentle touch anchors him, letting him to say the rest. He tells him ashamed of this day which he spend wallowing and drinking instead of releasing him. And finally he tells him of Ghost of Yule Yet to Come and a man who he could become.

To his wonder, Merlin not once releases his hand. Even when he tells him of other Arthur. Instead of taking it back repulsed by how awful man Arthur is, he just squeezes it tighter, reassuring.

Through all this time, Merlin doesn’t say anything, just listens attentively. Arthur is grateful for that. He doesn’t know if he could manage to tell all of this if he were interrupted.

When he finishes, he waits for some sort of reaction from Merlin, but he just looks at him with gaze full of compassion and understanding. It’s suddenly makes him angry.

“Do you not understand yet?” he asks, taking back his hand. “I don’t deserve your devotion. I am horrid man who almost killed you. And I could become even worse.”

Merlin shakes his head.

“You are not a bad man, Arthur.”

“But-“

“No.” Merlin holds his hand, palm in his direction, stopping him. “Let me finish.”

“You are not the one who gives orders, Mer _lin_.” He says.

Merlin scowls. Okay, shutting up...

“What I’m _trying_ to say” he starts. “Is that you are not a bad man for making mistakes. Even those big. But you didn’t make a biggest one. I’m still alive, after all.”

“But-“  he stops seeing Merlin’s raised eyebrow.

“I know you _could_. But you didn’t. And this is most important. You were listening and learning. You didn’t let yourself be blinded by your pride and anger. You looked above it all and it’s because you are good and wise man.”

He grabs his hand again.

“And what’s more, you repealed a ban of magic, freeing us from life of hiding and fear.”

“So...” Arthur starts tentatively. “You forgive me?”

Merlin smiles.

“Of course I forgive you, clotpole.”

Arthur looks in his deep blue eyes and suddenly feels so big wave of love and gratefulness for this amazing man that the only think he can do is to lean forward and kiss him. So he does.

Merlin’s dry lips aren't moving at first but when the initial shock passes, he responds eagerly. Merlin’s kisses taste of love and devotion. Arthur tries to direct his own countless feelings into his. He uses his tongue to part Merlin’s lips and he let him, deepening the kiss.

He feels as if it was his first kiss. This experience is so much different from kissing other people. It’s so much more meaningful and wonderful. He wants it to last forever.

But of course it doesn’t. Sound of knocks to the door makes them jump from each other as if burned.

Someone opens the door and Sir Leon peaks inside. He doesn’t bats an eyelid at seeing Merlin here.

“Sire, your presence is asked in Council Chamber.”

“Thank you, Leon.” Arthur nods. “I will be there shortly.”

Leon also nods. “Sire.” He leaves, closing the door.

Arthur looks at Merlin cautiously.

“Will you help me with that?”

Merlin smiles brilliantly.

“Always.”

 

The end.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Non-graphic mention of attempted rape/non-con  
> Threads of death  
> ***  
> I hope you liked it :)  
> Please, leave a comment to let me know what you think.


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